The first time I asserted my dominance was in the middle of a hot summer July day in 2023 in my home to a 60 something Mexican drug cartel leader, who informed me that he used to be involved with the cartel. He moved to NC for a new start with his wife and daughter to start a remodeling business.  He informed me he had 30 years of street fighting experience. My husband hired him for a project. The project took a little over 4 months. 

It was an unintentional miscommunication that I suspected was a cultural difference. (I would find out much later that he took the communication the wrong way and made it out to be more than it was.) When challenged, I stood firm facing the leader, meeting his yelling and threats with dominance of “myself,” using this opportunity to master control of my emotions by becoming stoic. This situation could easily have gotten out of hand. I repeatedly expressed the need to communicate to resolve a conflict. However, he puffed himself up, making large sweeping movements with his arms. I was not intimidated. His yelling became aggressive. I stood firm in my resolve with open body posturing. I looked him in the eye. It was a verbal assault, not a physical exchange. He left the area, continuing with threats that he would walk, to sue, to take me to court. (Just to be clear - threats were made regarding the work contract, not endangering my life or challenging me to a duel.) I remained silent. 

Two of his employees witnessed the scene. Later, his employees would say he harassed me, not treating me like a gentleman would. I would also find out that he was high when he met me, was a dope addict and carried a gun. That would explain the sudden change in his friendly extroverted personality to turning on me on a dime with aggression and hostility. 

This taught me something. There is going to be a time when I am unable to arm myself due to restricted areas that forbid firearms. That means, I would not be able to carry a gun or a non-lethal (taser, pepper spray). Some situations may require that I take someone’s weapon away without the use of force. I’m going to need a backup self defense weapon. 

Shortly thereafter, I began tactical defense training.

What do we do with this situation? “Leave it in the past, it’s behind you.”